Chapter 144: Empress Mother's Admonition, This Son Understands

"I know that back then, it was I who persuaded Rui'er to let go. In your heart, you must have felt both reluctance and deep resentment."

A look of guilt crossed the Empress Dowager's face as she spoke, yet at the time, it had been a choice born of utter helplessness. Li Zhen, who was then the Crown Prince, had also grown fond of Lanlan, and the Grand Emperor had intended to bestow her hand in marriage upon Li Zhen to pave the way for her future as Empress.

Having witnessed it all, how could the Empress Dowager not have known? Yet, wishing to prevent the brothers from turning against one another over a beloved companion, she had vehemently urged Li-Rui to give her up.

Recalling the past filled the Empress Dowager with sorrow. She could not help but blame herself, though there had been no alternative.

Lanlan, whose original name was Ji Molan and whose pet name was Lanlan, was the cherished niece of the Empress Dowager, who shared the same surname. Because her biological father had died in battle and her mother had passed away from illness, the Empress Dowager, taking pity on her tragic plight, had raised her within the palace walls since she was a child.

Being of the same age as Li-Rui, Lanlan had practically grown up alongside them as a childhood sweetheart. She was particularly fond of bullying the gentle and honest Li-Rui, who in turn constantly indulged and yielded to her, making their bond all the closer.

Who could have foreseen that Li Zhen would also fall deeply in love with Lanlan, and that he would be the first to implore the former Emperor for a decree of marriage? Thus, a Mandarin duck couple was brutally torn apart.

"Later on, the Princess Consort of Rui wept to me, complaining of your indifference, begging only for a child from you. Otherwise, she felt her remaining days would hold no hope, and she simply could not go on living. But who could have imagined that when the Princess Consort faced a difficult labor, neither she nor the child survived?"

Thinking of the poor young daughter of the Prince of Rui, the Empress Dowager felt she had failed her terribly. Not only had she ruined the girl's entire life, but in the end, striving merely to give birth to a child, the girl had forfeited her very life—and ultimately, even the child could not be saved.

Yet from the Empress Dowager's recollections, it was clear that she was the one who had forced Li-Rui to give up Lanlan, and she was also the one who had urged Li-Rui not to be so cruel, insisting that even if he did not love the Princess Consort, giving her a child would serve as 'compensation' and provide her with something to lean on for the rest of her days.

Yet all of this had ultimately dissolved like bubbles in a mirror or a mirage in the sea, leaving nothing behind. It was a heavy burden upon the heart of the Empress Dowager.

"Mother, please speak no more of this. It is all in the past."

Whenever Li-Rui thought of the past, he too felt a sense of guilt toward the late former Princess Consort and his unborn child.

However, he was not a man who lived solely in the past; he was one who embraced the present. He had long since made peace with these vexations, yet he had not expected the Empress Dowager to continue blaming herself so bitterly.

"Sigh! To see Rui'er still living in solitude breaks my heart! This is all my fault."

The Empress Dowager looked as though she might burst into tears. Though she spoke thus, her deepest worry remained the present.

Remaining alone for so long—was it because he still longed for the one who was gone, or had his heart truly grown barren of all affection? As a mother, how she hoped that Li-Rui could cast aside his inner knot and accept someone new. That was her only wish.

"Mother, grieve no more! I shall carefully ponder your words once again."

Li-Rui knew that the Empress Dowager spoke out of deep devotion and a desire to help him let go of his emotional shackles. Yet no matter how he explained that he had already moved on, it was of no use; what the Empress Dowager wished most to see was him taking a wife and having children.

"Rui'er, that you can understand your mother's painstaking intentions is enough to satisfy me. What is lost at the eastern corner is gained at the western mulberry grove; I trust you understand this saying."

How could Li-Rui not comprehend the Empress Dowager's implication? She hoped he would find someone better, yet she did not know that within Li-Rui's heart, such a person already existed.

"Your son understands Mother's wise counsel."

Li-Rui offered a gentle and compliant response. If he did not yield for the moment, he knew not how many more times the Empress Dowager would repeat these exhortations. He felt he had already 'experienced' enough of them.

Yet, truth be told, Li-Rui was an exceptionally filial son, holding deep respect and obedience toward his mother.